if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
