I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
