you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
