I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
