I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
