i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i think im in europe. pls send help
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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