We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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