The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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