there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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