I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
