No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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