So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
