i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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