She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
