How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
