I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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