I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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