I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Randomize
