She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
