And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
