How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
