I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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