I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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