well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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