he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
