Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
