omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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