You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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