I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
