Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just puked most of my soul out..
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