i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
