Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
