I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
