We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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