I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
