i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
