I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
