my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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