so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
