Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
