the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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