i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
