I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
