FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
