The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
