The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
