Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
