Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
