I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
