dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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