so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
