Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
