Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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