I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
