clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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