took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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